Don't Touch Me
by cyndy1
Summary: Set in New Moon. Bella is about to travel to Italy to save Edward from himself when someone decides to show up... slight mention of sex, but lacks sexual scenes so relax. Any jokes about appearances are directed to the movie Chapter 7 is up! Enjoy!
1. And they've got girls on trampolines

There was a thick tension in the room as the small pixie-like vampire explained the depth of the situation at hand. Jacob couldn't stop from the convulsing his body was doing as he thought of how the girl he "loved" could die if she went after Edward.

"They'll _kill_ you, Bell--" he was cut off from his sentence when all three directed their attention to the red haired girl with the black fringe in her emo bangs came into the room. She seemed oblivious to everyone else as she plopped in Charlie's favorite spot and turned on the television. The screen gave her deadly pale skin a dull bluish glow.

"Who are you?" Bella asked the question on everyone's mind and watched as the girl shifted her body to face Isabella while still manage to watch the television.

"Uhh... you're sister?" she replied dully, as her light green eyes looked up into Bella's chocolate brown eyes.

"W-what? I don't have a sister?"

"Yeah, you do, but no one notices. I'm just ninja like that."

"If you're my sister then where have you been living?"

"The basement, duh. It's like a bomb shelter down there."

Alice sniffed the air that surround the thin red head and nearly gasped in surprise. This gasping was for two reasons. Firstly, this girl's outfit of rainbow plaid shirt and blue skinny jeans were "to die for" and secondly...

"Why don't you have a scent?" she asked, curiosity enveloping her entire voice.

"I'm just awesome like that. You're the one that sees the future, right? 'Eddie' is the mind reader?"

Everyone in the room gasped as they watched the girl, who had to be at least twenty, casually turn her gaze back to an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond that was playing on the television.

"H-how do you know that!?" Jacob exclaimed as he took a step forward. The girl chuckled as she continued to keep her gaze on the show.

"Relax, wolfy. I hear things when I go up from the basement," her voice had a bit of malice to it as she continued, "It's gotta suck for you Jakey since I've seen how dependent Bella is on others. It's kind of sick how she was in deadly 'love' with Eddie and then when he leaves, she attached to you while waiting for vampy to come back. I remember one night when I went to use the bathroom by your room I heard those guys. They were all like 'OH YES! OH YES! HARDER! HARDER! AHHH! THAT'S MY SPOT! BITE ME HARD, YOU SEXY MONSTER! OH YES! DRINK ME, BITCH! TASTE MY O POSITIVE SEXINESS! HARDER, YOU COLD PIECE OF CORPSE!'"

The girl's fake impressions of moans and orgasms sent different reactions across the room as the girl continued. Bella's face was practically blood red as the blush consumed her entire face and neck. Jacob was violently shaking from an enormous amount of rage pouring through his viens, yet oddly turned on by the stranger's performance. Alice was not surprised in the least since she had seen this all before in one of her old visions.

"I'm surprised in you, Bella. If I had known you were into the hard core type sex, I could have let you borrow my chains and whips!" the girl exclaimed with a giggle as she turned to face Jacob. She looked at his eyebrows in attempts to make it look as though she was making eye contact with him, but for Jake, he got one look in her eyes that could last him his lifetime. He, unfortunately, imprinted. "Hey, Wolfy, if you're into the dominatrix crap then I got some stuff you could borrow also!"

"Uhmmm..." Jacob was dumbstruck as he watched her direct her attention back to the television. Oh how he wished there was a marvelous scent to her that he could use to give this author something more to write in this paragraph!

"Hey, my brother is going to die soon... Shouldn't we be going... like, now?" Alice asked as she finally remember the danger for her family.

"Oh..." Bella mumbled as she waited for Jacob's reaction, but got none in return, "Jacob, I'm sorry, but I have to go. Edward needs me. I need him. Yes, I understand this will be hard for you, but I have to save him."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever," he mumbled as his eyes never left the stranger's body. Blame the harmones of an adolesent shapeshifter.

"Okay then?" she questioned as she looked over to the person who ruined the seriousness of the situation at hand, "Nice meeting you,...?"

"Name's Enola. Way to be a good sister," the girl lifelessly said as her gaze never left the program on the "big glowing box", "Don't worry though. I'm moving out next week."

"Uhmm... Okay?"

With that, Bella and Alice raced to Italy in a "captivating" race against time, which they successfully got to Edward in time before he could end his ongoing immortal life and left the Volturi after a series long drawn out speeches that revealed more to the plot.

**Meanwhile in the living room of the Swan residence...**

"Mind if I sit here?" Jacob asked five minutes after the two lifesaver girls left the house.

Enola didn't respond since she had no means for listening to the tall, tan fellow before her. He, of course, took this as playing hard to get and sat done beside her. Silence soon commenced as the show According to Jim played after the one she was watching before. Jacob found the girl's laughter to be almost magical, making him want to just be closer to her. With casual stealth, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"Don't touch me."

Ahhh, the beginnings of a beautiful relationship.


	2. No hardcore dancing in the living room

A week had passed since Bella left for Italy and now as was well in her world. Well, except for her being grounded and having Charlie try to pull her and Jacob together as a couple. They were now sitting in the kitchen for dinner now that Edward had left due to Charlie's orders. They sat in silence like they always did when they were together. Such a warm family vibe, huh? During this period of family bonding, Bella noticed something she had never seen before in the over two years she had been living in that house.

"Hey, what's behind that door?" her curiosity had now gotten the best of her.

"Bells, I thought you would have known the house better by now. That's the basement." he grunted informatively, "It's so much colder down there now that Enola's gone."

"WHAT!?" she accidentally thought out loud, "Enola actually lived here?"

"Are you okay, Bells? Has your attention really been that devoted to that 'friend' of yours?" Charlie spoke in slight disgust as he finished his meal and went into the living room. Bella sighed at the thought of having to tell him she was engaged to this 'friend' that made Charlie so enraged.

After finishing her meal, she cleaned the dishes in silence and tiptoed to the door as if some creature would pop out from the basement and attack her. You would think this sense of paranoia would be a bit over the top, but you've seen her track record with mythical beings, right?

She pushed open the door and flicked the switch that was right by the frame. Once light flooded into the room, it revealed a large light blue room with cabinets of food storage, a bed stripped of it's sheets, and the dusty outline of wear a desk or dresser once stood.

"Holy vampires, she was telling the truth," Bella murmured as she slowly walked through the basement in attempts not to trip. She failed a bit once she reached a wall that had the words "Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay..so if you keep reading, you'll go broke" written crudely in black paint.

"Yup, it was definitely her who lived here. Damn, now I feel bad," she mumbled as she went up stairs to her bedroom so she could finally see her Edward.

"Love, what's wrong?" he asked in a worried manner once he realized she wasn't talking or staring at his drop dead gorgeousness.

"I just feel bad," she continued on her self pity party to Edward who was surprisingly listening. Soon after she was done talking they began to make out passionately for the hundredth time that day. See men, take example to this. Pay attention, and you may get laid.

**Meanwhile in another place that I can't seem to come up with a title for...**

Enola continued to walk down the block to her house. She was hoping to get there as quickly as possible before...

"Hey there," a seductive voice called from behind her causing a sigh to escape her lips. He had been stalking her for about a week now.

She kept her pace the same as she turned the corner. Only seven more blocks to go till she can put her newly bought groceries into her house.

"Do you need help with those bags?" Jacob asked as gentleman-like as possible.

"..."

"I'll get those for you." When he went to take one of the two bags from her, she hissed loudly sending slight spit at his hand. He will never wash that hand again... maybe.

The red head continued walking in silence till he stepped in front of her, blocking her pathway of sidewalk.

"Where's my rape whistle?" she mumbled to herself as she shuffled a free hand into her pockets.

"Sooo, it looks like you've got enough food for two there," he seductively hinted as he towered over her thin, pale frame.

"Well, I need enough food to feed the whore in my closet," she stated, looking at his nose in attempts to look like she was making eye contact. It was a habit of hers. A way of showing lack of respect is by not meeting people's eyes when speaking to them.

"W-what?"

"Mhm," she murmured trying to appear like she cared in hopes of getting rid of him, "his name's Pounder."

He chuckled slightly as if she was joking, but then noticed her serious face. Her eyes held no means of joking. While praying for her to be a hardcore jokester and that she had to be playing hard to get, he stepped a bit closer to her.

"So I'll see you later tonight then?" he murmured as he took her hand in his tan, large one and kissed it slightly.

"You should get a nose reduction surgery," she stated, oblivious to his actions.

She took her hand back and sidestepped around him, heading to her home. He sighed blissfully as he watched her retreating hourglass figure.

"Yes, Jacob, you are a stone cold fox... I mean, wolf," he said to himself as he walked off home to get ready to "woo" his imprint.

About an hour or so had passed and Enola was already done putting the groceries away and now getting herself a glass of milk when a sudden knock came from the door. She put the glass down and skipped gracefully to the sturdy door.

"Let's see what's behind door number one!" she exclaimed sarcastically as she opened the door and revealed Edward and Bella at the doorstep at her small, green cottage. "Oh. Hi Eddie and his sex partner!"

"We were curious if you'd like to have dinner with us at my house since you already know of our secret," Edward spoke in a courteous manner as Bella, whose face was now tomato red by Enola's mention of the word 'sex', nervously looked up at her sister.

"I hope to get to know more about you," she stammered slightly, "and to apologize for being rude before."

"Yeah, sure."

"Huh!?" Bella was surprised. She half expected the door to be shut on her face.

"What? I like free food." she stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and went to go get her jacket.


	3. If I cut my hair, Hawaii will sink

After the slightly long car ride, a flustered Edward, a dejected Bella, and a grinning Enola exited the car and went into the Cullen's household. Edward's attempts to learn more about his love's sister seemed to leave him bitterly empty.

_**Flashback (boy, this series is just full of surprises!)**_

The car was filled with an awkward silence as both Bella and Enola looked out the windows of the porsche. There was no happy vibe coming from the small space. Well, except Enola's desire for free food. Eddie hated seeing his "sweet" upset.

"Soo, Enola, what do you do for a living?" Edward questioned, trying to take this as a positive opportunity.

"I'm a ninja."

"oh... erhmmm, where do you work?"

"In the _shadows_," she leaned forward and whispered that in his ear as creepily as possibly.

"Okay then, let's try something simpler. What's your favorite food?" He began to rub his temples as if it would erase the annoyance in the car like an etch a sketch.

"The souls of little children," she murmured casually while moving her eyes right and left rapidly.

"Let's try this one!" Bella exclaimed in quiet agitation, "Are you human?"

Edward smiled at his love's intelligence. "She can't answer this one wrong!" he thought to himself.

"No, I'm an ice dragon. RAWR!"

**Present (which was twenty minutes of Q&A later)**

The Cullen's waited patiently for the arrival of their, hopefully, new friend. The door opened letting the cool breeze sweep inward and rustle slight objects in the room such as hair and clothes. Esme was the first to walk over and hug the newcomer the minute she came in while the rest of the family began to study the girl in general. Taking in the girls dark circles underneath her bright emerald eyes, her odd fire engine red hair with black fringe framing most of her face while her wardrobe was something Alice enjoyed. The basic greyish pullover hoodie saying "Imagination rules the world", her damaged, blue skinny jeans, grey wool beanie tilted slightly on her head, and a pair of black knee high converse were all things Alice now wanted.

"Yo homies, whaz crackalackin'?" the stranger casually stated as she waved at them.

"Nothing, white bread. Wanna go grab some bites?" Emmet responded in an attempted ghetto accent which made the vampires (and Bella) all turn and ogle at him oddly.

"That'd be wicked, homeslice!" she stated as she walked up to him and put out her fist, "Pound it!" Emmet obviously complied while sharing a goofy grin with the girl. "YAY, WHITE POWER!" she shouted then looked around suspiciously, "Wait, wrong type of phrase for the group of individuals who make that terminology. Oppies."

The group didn't know whether to laugh or frown till they heard Emmett's booming laughter followed by Jasper's chuckle and Rosalie's giggle.

"Hello, I'm Alice. I can _see_ that were going to be great friends," Alice stated as she gracefully pranced over to Enola and hugged her.

"Wow, that's not creepy in the slightest. Nope, I'm not going to have any nightmares of this at all. No siree."

Soon they all got together at the dinner table and the Cullen's watched the two Swan girls eat. Sure, for Bella it was just a reminder of how imperfect she was compared to her soon-to-be family, but for Enola it was an excuse to not have to cook.

"So, what do you do for a living, sweetie?" Esme asked as politely as ever.

"Oh, I'm a photographer. I do some odd ball stuff on the side, but the camera calls to me like a baby cries for it's mother. I simply could not avoid that cry," her speech was surprisingly serious.

"Why didn't she say that when I asked!?" Edward thought miserably as he glared at the older Swan.

"Dude-- I mean, ESME! You're cooking is better then anything I've ever seen!" She exclaimed as she took another bite out of the extravagant meal. Esme did go over board with portions and such, but this did not stop Enola. Nothing barely stops her... that is till she forgets what she needs to do. "Fuck, I forgot to feed Pounder."

"Who?"

"Never mind."

The meal soon ended and Bella was yawning quietly, now tired from the turkey she had eaten. Edward was watching her as if she was a meal... and yet he was turned on by her appearance.

"Food fetish?" The older Swan murmured to herself as she heard Rosalie laugh. Surprisingly, they got along.

"Oh, that reminds me. Why is it when I try to read your mind all I get is this odd song playing over and over again? It's mind boggling," Edward inquired as he watched Bella start to nod off in his cold arms.

"You mean like this: 'Intimidated by the size of my burrito. Intimidated by the size of my burrito. Intimidated by the size- Intimidated by the size- Intimidated by the size of my burrito. Intimi-Intimi-Intimidated by the size of my burrito.'" she continued singing 'Celtic Techno Burrito' till she got bored of Edward's tired expression. "What? I like the song."

"So what's with the one hiding?" Enola asked to no one in particular as she stared at Jasper, who was residing in the far corner.

"Who? Jasper, or Edward?" Rosalie snickered as they both took notice of Edward trying to escape and take Bella to his room. The sound of beat-boxing filled the room.

"Where's that noise coming from?" Edward asked as he came back into the room with his arm wrapped around Bella's waist.

"Uhhh... No where. Anyway, I meant the angsty one." Enola directed her attention back to Rosalie. The blond tilted her head to the side.

"Which one?" Emmett asked with a teasing grin playing on his deadly pale facial features. Edward glared and silence filled the room as if everyone agreed.

"Hey! I'm not full of angst. I'm full of love." he mumbled to himself as he looked over to Bella. "That reminds me, it seems Jacob has taken an interest in you," Edward was now smiling a 'crooked' grin at the possible embarrassment, "Do you happen to know where he is?"

"Who? Wolfie? No idea, giirrrl," she responded casually while going back to trying to have a conversation about Jasper or at least with Jasper.

**Meanwhile at Enola's House...**

"Want some more rosie, china plate?" a burly man with a thick head of long brown locks and bright grey eyes asked in a british accent.

"Uhhh... no thanks?" Jacob replied.

"How 'bout a scone?" the man, who had to be at least twenty-two continued.

"No," Jacob stated as he looked around the semi-dark room, "It's pretty dark in here, Pounder."

"Well, the quine only lets one light bulb in the wardrobe," Pounder replied with his fake accent. Jacob looked down at his porcelain cup and sighed. He had originally broke into Enola's home in hopes of a romantic dinner, but ended up trapped in a walk-in closet with her whore, who wore only a tie-dye thong, instead.

"Aw, don't be down, baby doll," Pounder returned his voice to his normal feminine lisp as he reached out and held Jake's hand, "All you need is a makeover, Silly!"

"You think so?" Jacob's confidence was soaring now.

"Of course, hun. Ahhh! It's gonna to be like queer eye for a straight guy! I'm so excited!" Pounder gushed girlishly while taking Jacob's hand and pulling him towards his selection of clothing in the closet.

"This closet's enormous!" Jacob noted to himself.

"Your mom's enormous!"

"My mom's dead..."

"Because she was enormous. Come on, keep up with me, Jake," Pounder stated as he wrapped his arm around Jake's waist and pulled him closer.

"I'm not having sex with you."

"All in good time, my sweet. All in good time." he whisper quietly to himself.

"What'd you say?"

"Huh? Nothing."


	4. I'm being chased by my imagination

After a large failed mission of trying to have a conversation with Jasper and a long car ride home with Eddie and Bells, Enola found herself back inside her home. She quickly popped in a TV dinner of a Hungry Man's meal and got out three chocolate covered pretzel rods for her whore. Now that she had a tray prepared and the tip of her own chocolate covered pretzel rod in her mouth, she went over to the closet to discovered it was locked.

"That's odd. I don't remember locking this. Must be those closet gnomes," she thought as she put the tray down and unlocked the closet. Laughing at the scene before her, she saw Jacob was shaking uncontrollably in nothing but a rainbow thong while Pounder was looking through his possessions for a condom.

"Get out!" she shouted with another laugh, knowing that she did not want a large wolf in her closet. With her shout, he turned to see her and run at an inhuman speed with a disgusted look on his face. "Food, Pounder?" she offered and put the tray in the room.

"Hey, don't pout. Some people mean 'no' when they say 'no'," she stated to the burly, frowning man as she left the closet.

xXx

Now that she was resting on the couch in the living room, she felt something sit next to her. After quickly looking down, she spotted a York Chocolate cat with all brown fur and the brightest green eyes.

"Yo Alex. How's the attempt of living on your own going?" Enola snickered quietly as the cat suddenly transformed into a young man about the age of nineteen. His disheveled chocolate brown hair, that matched the brown cat ears atop his head and the tail that swooshed quietly next to him, fell in front of his eyes. He had large bright emerald green eyes that gave him a look of innocence and his outfit of a black tank top and loose-fitting jeans made him appear small even though he was a couple inches taller then Enola.

"It sucks, Nola." He pouted cutely as he turned to Enola and hugged her tightly. Ever since she had found him abused by a small group of children while in his cat form and had nourished him back to health, they had seen a lot of each other. He was a type of shape shifter, but in a more half-cat, half-human thing you see in Japanese manga. I guess cat hybrid would be the right term? He was also the kind that kept his clothes on when he shifted. "I'm not really sure where to go." he explained as Enola pet the top of his head while he snuggled against her.

"I got a guest bedroom you can stay in if you want," she suggested when all the sudden the boy squealed with joy and hugged her tighter. "I forgot to tell you, I have the Skin of Death. If you touch it, you become a ghost."

"WHAAAT!?" Alex screamed as he leapt across the far end of the small room and examined himself, "Why didn't you tell me!? That explains why you're so pale!"

Enola laughed at the young man as he spun around in circles to see if he was translucent like a ghost. After about ten minutes of it, she decided to go to bed before Alex noticed she lied.

"I'M TOO TAN TO BE ABLE PULL OFF WHITE SKIN!"

**Meanwhile in La Push...**

It had been three days since Jacob had been sexually harassed by Pounder. He was on patrol for the moment and he could hear his pack laughing as they saw Jake's memories of the incident. While snarling at them mentally, he let his large paws dig into the moist Earth as he ran through looking for any signs of danger like that Victoria he had heard about.

"_Hello, my name is your T.V._

_We've been together so long_

_So many memories_

_We solved so many problems_

_Situated comedies_

_I fed you ads and movie stars_

_And you always fell asleep_

_In my color bars, but there's this_

_World outside where the lighting's off_

_Scenes last too long and you lose the plot_

_All the girls, they lie and they break your heart_

_And nothing's done when the streets go dark_

_Here, see California, where pretty people dream"_

Jake slowed his run to a walk as he looked around for the sound of the music. His wolf senses were as sharp as those of a vampire, possibly better, yet he couldn't smell any creatures near by. All he could hear was the music which had to be about a couple miles away. He decided to follow the faint music.

"_And the good guy gets the girl by the sunny sea_

_And when they'd yell upstairs, you'd cry_

_Little boy inside their lies_

_In the dark I'd watch your eyes_

_And I know the way they laugh _

_The jackals feast behind your back_

_Here you hide, but still they stab_

_In the dark I feel you die in that_

_World outside where the lighting's off_

_Scenes last too long and you lose the plot_

_All the girls, they lie and they break your heart_

_And nothing's done when the streets go dark_

_Here, see California, where pretty people dream"_

Even as he started to jog towards the sound, his mind couldn't help but wander to his imprint. What could she possibly think of him when she saw him with her whore? He knew that even though she was his imprint, he couldn't help but think something was wrong. Normally, an imprint would fall in love with their shape shifter almost instantly and want to spend all their time together, but Enola was different. She always kept away from him, which made him feel as though his soul was breaking or something whiny and slightly gay like that. He hadn't even looked at her these past three days.

"How could someone ignore my beauty?" Jacob thought to himself only to hear the rest of the packs laughter in his mind. He ignored their thoughts and sped up to where the sound was the loudest, at a large tree.

"_Now see that icy vacant lot where they made your nose bleed_

_The flannel spread, the heater on_

_The world is dead, the sun is gone, here take my hand, I'll take you home_

_You'll never have to be alone_

_The picture's warping slowly, the scrolling seems unending_

_The snowy edges blurring, the bars between us bending_

_Feel you start to breathe, you are alive inside of me_

_Forever tan and strong and loved, you'll never bleed again_

_In dreamy California scenes where bad guys meet their destiny_

_And the good guy gets the girl by the sunny sea" _

He let his wolf eyes peruse the scene but found nothing. There was no scent, no sign of any life form, only music. The scene was fishy, but something inside him told him it was nothing to worry about. As he went back to his patrol, he could have sworn he heard the faint sound of a heartbeat underneath the instrumental sounds of the music, but he shook it off as nothing.

"God, I hope the last line off that song is true..." Jake thought to himself.

**Meanwhile a couple feet off the ground in the tree...**

Enola had herself tethered to the trunk of the tree just in case she fell. Her face was practically pressed to the her 35mm camera that was strapped around her neck along with a SRL camera that was hanging loosely at the moment. She had been trying to get the perfect shot of the forest for about five hours now and decided that it was best to try it at a different angle, hence the reason for being in the tree.

"_Now see that icy vacant lot where they made your nose bleed_

_The flannel spread, the heater on_

_The world is dead, the sun is gone, here take my hand, I'll take you home_

_You'll never have to be alone_

_The picture's warping slowly, the scrolling seems unending_

_The snowy edges blurring, the bars between us bending_

_Feel you start to breathe, you are alive inside of me_

_Forever tan and strong and loved, you'll never bleed again_

_In dreamy California scenes where bad guys meet their destiny_

_And the good guy gets the girl by the sunny sea" _

She heaved a sigh as she snapped another shot of the setting sun. The music quietly died down through the black DJ headphones that were place securely on her head. This song seemed to always remind her of Alex, although she'd never admit it to anyone. He was a great friend of her's and he always was on her mind.

"I really hope the end of that song is true," she thought to herself.

After letting another sigh escape her lips as she saw the last glance at the beautiful fading sunlight, she undid the roping around her waist and began to climb down. As she slowly clung to one branch and began to step onto a lower one, the tree limp in her grasp snapped and she plummeted downward.

The gasp flew out of her mouth as her body scrapped up against the branches around her till her pale hand clamped down on a tree limp. She looked down to see how far off the ground she was only to realize her feet were a couple inches in the air. After sighing she made that last tiny jump down and checked her equipment, all functions are a go!

While not even bothering to check her own self to see if she was alright, she headed out of the forest and began walking down the streets of Forks to find her way home. Those of you might ask why she doesn't have a car, but her reply would most likely be, "I'm sorry I'm not a conformist, man." Sure, she'd say this with a bit of malice, but it is something she'd say.

As she kept her pace at an even level on the sidewalk, a car horn beeped loudly behind her. While turning she saw a shiny expensive car pull up beside her.

"Hey there, Nola. You should get in," Alice said in a cheery voice from the passenger seat of some oddly expensive car. Enola shrugged her shoulders and gradually got into the backseat.

"Do you have to flaunt your superiority to every living thing? I mean, can't you just have happiness in living forever?" Enola murmured to herself as she contemplated the uselessness and excessiveness of the vehicle.

"I saw you falling from the tree and decided that you might need some help home," Alice explained, ignoring Enola's comments. The pixie girl had saw a bit more then her friend falling, but she didn't find it necessary to mention a possible mugging.

"Are you guys just not happy with your life that you find the need to own expensive things, like some odd ass midlife crisis?" Enola continued, but got no response in return.

Jasper seemed more at ease with this meeting. There was no pained expression, no leaving frequently, no morbid thoughts. This mainly was because he finally realized he was no danger to his possible friend. Hell, he couldn't smell her blood and her emotions were just so random that he couldn't help but laugh.

"It's nice to see you this evening," he greeted politely in a Southern accent.

"HE SPEAKS!" Enola shouted as she pointed dramatically at Jasper while he chuckled.

"Yes, but I'm afraid we've reached your house already," He stated as he parked outside the small, green cottage. Enola looked out the window to see a figure outside her house. It was Alex sitting on the porch impatiently in his little grey beanie to cover his cat ears and regular clothing. Nola quickly thanked them, while briefly making possible plans with them, and got out of the car.

"NOLY!" Alex shouted as he picked her up into his arms at an inhumanly fast pace, "I MISSED YOU!"

"Jeez, calm down, kitty," she mumbled under her breath as he was the one to finally look at her.

"ARE YOU OKAY!?" he shouted louder then before as he examined every part of her.

"What? Relax," she stated in attempts to shut him up. It was then she finally looked down at herself. Her hand were scraped and covered in blood, while her already ripped jeans got some more damage and blood on them then intended.

"All organs are functioning. No harm done." she thought to herself as she shruged her shoulders.

"I thought ninjas don't get hurt," he teased as he pulled her into the house.

"Well, I get wounded during combat. The shadows are a scary place, my friend," she replied smoothly as she followed him. The entire time she could not shake the feeling that she was being watched.


	5. Guns don't kill ppl I kill ppl with guns

Enola ambled towards the bathroom to clean herself off when she felt a tug on her right arm. While looking back, her bright green eyes meant with the slightly worried brown eyes of Alex.

"Where do you think you're going?" Alex said as he crossed his arms over his chest with an attempt of authority playing over his features.

"I was hoping to go over to a dark alley way and get raped. How 'bout you?" she answered seriously as she raised an eyebrow at Alex's seriousness. Normally, he was childish and energetic.

"Let me at least clean your wounds first, please. Pretty, pretty please!" he stated in a bouncy manner as he reduced himself to making his lower lip quiver and his large, innocent eyes engulf her. His cat ears tilted to the sides as he took off his beanie. A smile crept on Enola's once confused face as she began busting into laughter causing Alex to tilt his head to the side in utter mystification.

"Ahhh, you're pouting is just too funny. Fine, go ahead." she stated as she let out another giggle. The now overly happy Alex drug Enola into the kitchen and made her sit up on the counter as he went to go get an emergency kit.

Just then, the backdoor in the kitchen slammed open to reveal a very anger stricken Jacob Black. He rushed to her side, shaking in rage. His figure towered over her and his black eyes glared at the side of her head as she continued to stare forward. She hummed to herself as she looked up at his forehead and saw the sweat dripping from his brow.

"Hmmm, it doesn't cost much to replace a door, does it?" she murmured to herself as she looked at the door, now stripped of it's hinges. Jacob's anger only increased as he took her hands in his and tried to calm his shaking.

"Who did this to you?" Jacob asked through gritted teeth as his eyes landed on her blood covered hands and clothes. Enola's legs swayed a bit from the counter as she tilted her head to the side and laughed a little.

"Why did you have to bust through the back door?" she asked gleefully as she knew Alex could possibly help her out of this situation. Jacob shook harder as he realized she was avoided the question just like she did with everything involving him. Of course, he also didn't want to tell her that he's been hiding in the bushes in her backyard just waiting for her return.

"Who. Did. This. To. You?" he repeated with venom.

"Do what?"

"Why are you covered in blood?" he asked more calmly now that it sounded like she was going to be straight with him. She made a small sigh. The simple way to get rid of this guy would probably be the truth...

"I was accidently near your mother's gaping vagina." Did I mention that Enola doesn't like taking the easy way out?

"My mom's dead," he glared at her, "Tell me NOW!"

She rolled her eyes and said, "I fell. Jeez, I bleed easily. Now shoo mutt. Begone."

Jacob looked at the girl for a long time. Was this really what he was stuck with for an imprint? Sure, he found her enticing, but it felt like something was off. She seemed to distance herself from him and think of him as a common stalker. Not to mention that she was completely eccentric at times. Hell, she had a fucking man whore in her closet, which Jacob assumed was gay. Despite all the things he thought, he wanted to fuck her badly.

"NOLY! I'm here to fix you!" Alex shouted in a singsong as he waved the emergency kit in his hands. He stopped in his track as he saw Jacob staring at his bestest buddy in an odd creepy passionate stare. His bestest buddy looked over to him and smiled in a pleading sort of way, which made Jakey notice the newcomer.

"Who are you?" Jacob asked with abhorrence. The tone of his voice instantly made Alex's chocolate brown cat ears flatten against the top of his head.

"Wha?" he asked innocently as he looked over to Enola for some form of guidance. She looked at him apathetically and mouthed what looked like to be a sentence or some from of advice.

"Huh?" Confused as to why the stranger was here, Alex questioned again now tilting his head to the side and focusing all his energy on her mouth movements.

"I asked you a question, moron!" Jacob exclaimed at Alex. Alex, completely ignoring Jacob, continued trying to decipher Enola's message again.

"You know I can't read lips, right?" Alex replied in slight annoyance while he watched her perform a facepalm.

"I SAID: 'Careful 'bout the freak in the kitchen! He's creepy! Oh, and don't forget to remind me to buy some peanut butter cause we're out of it again and I keep forgetting every time I actually go to the grocery store since you know how much I hate shopping! The cashiers always freak me out with their prices and such.' Was that so hard to understand!?" Enola exclaimed as she rubbed her temples slightly.

Jake looked at the two in confusion. He watched Alex look over at Enola with increasing concern and then look to Jake as if to size him up. Was this guy going to defend Enola? Really? What, did he fancy Jake's imprint? NO ONE is going to fancy Jake's imprint!

"Don't worry, Noly, I'll clean you up," Alex murmured with a growing smile on his face as he stepped towards the girl.

"Don't you dare go near her!" he shouted as Alex continued another step forward. Jake's rage left him in a mindless reign of terror as he snapped Alex's arm and continued to hit him with fists of fury. Enola walked up cautiously behind him, curious as to how to stop him.

"I know there's no point in trying to attack you since you're supposedly stronger and invincible to my force so I see no point in trying to punch you like a moron, but would you PLEASE go away now. Why don't you go stalk Bella-" Enola's ranting was cut off as Jacob whipped around blindly in anger and accidently flung her into her now dented wall.

As a loud breath of air squeezed out her chest from impact, he snapped out of his rage. He couldn't stop shaking as he realized he hurt his imprint for when an imprint is hurt, the imprinter is hurt as well. Once he realized his predicament, he dashed out of the house before he could transform into a large wolf and cause even more damage.

Enola felt as though acid had been poured into her brain as she pulled herself up and tried to stand up. Alex's muffled screams were soon ignored as she tried to think of a way out of the situation. She dizzily made her way over to the phone and dialed Alice's number, which she oddly received when they dropped her off.

"We're on our way over," Alice's voice chimed on the other end of the line.

"You're very creepy, you creeper person you," Enola's words slurred slightly as she tried to think straight. She heard the line go dead as her front door opened. At an inhuman pace, Alice and Jasper were inside the kitchen shuffling Alex and Enola into their car.

"Bahh, baahhh, BAH!" Enola murmured as Alice continued to lead her to the car.

"Why are you making that noise?" Jasper asked as he helped buckle Alex, who was now quietly whimpering to himself, into the back seat.

"Cause that's the sound sheep make when they're herded," she answered simply as she stumbled into the backseat next to Alex. Alice rolled her eyes as she got into the car and started to drive quickly.

Enola looked over to Alex with a sad expression. He looked like he was in excruciating pain, but just in that moment his whimpers toned down as he quickly fell asleep. Now confused, the girl furrowed her eyebrows together. It would probably be impossible to fall asleep with that kind of pain.

"That would be my doing," Jasper whispered, feeling Enola's confusion.

She sighed in relief as the car now stopped speeding and was in the Cullen drive way. Jasper slide out of the car and opened the passenger's door for her in a blur. He wished he could have helped Alex more, but he could smell his blood.

Enola couldn't shake the dizzy nausea as she slowly got out of the extravagant car and looked at the lavish house. After what felt like an eternity, she finally made it into the house and watched carefully as Alice took Alex to Carisle for help.

Jasper lightly took a hold of her forearm and guided her to their couch. She muzzily looked at him as if for some reassurance for her friend or something that could stop the sound of his screams inside her mind. In the blink of an eye, Jasper disappeared and reappeared with an ice pack in one head and a tylenol in the other. She looked at it blankly in attempts to understand what he wanted her to do.

"Just take it, you should try and get some sleep at least," Jasper spoke politely in his Southern accent. She responded by doing as he said and with the help of Jasper's powers, she was out like a light.

Meanwhile, Carisle had Alice place Alex on his now clear desk. After the situation was explained to him, he woke Alex up gently. The young boy whimpered lightly as he slowly sat up. Since he didn't recognize the surroundings and the last thing he could recall was Jacob attacking, he sprang backwards off the desk and pressed himself up against the windowed wall as a hiss escaped his lips.

"Relax, I'm a doctor," Carisle spoke calmingly as he stepped a bit forward. He could see the boy wincing a bit in pain from his sudden actions.

Alex only pressed his toned body further into the wall and said, "How does that make me safe? You could be an evil doctor!"

"Well, I'm a good doctor," Carisle stated trying to coax the teenager out from the wall he seemed to be glued to. Alex tilted his head to the side in an innocent way.

"No proof."

"I'm a doctor. There aren't many evil ones around these days."

"NO. proof.

"How about this? Do I look like an evil doctor?"

"Kind of."

"How!?"

"Because you got that 'I'm a doctor' thing going on."

"But, I AM A DOCTOR!"

"I'd prefer to get a lie detecter test done first," The catboy stated calmly. It seemed he picked up some of his wit from being near Enola for so long. In seconds, Jasper came into the room and a wave of calm and trust washed over Alex. "Fiiine," he stated with a sigh a walked slowly over towards the three vampires.

"So since you're not human, is there anything I should know about your abilities," Carisle stated while examining the boy's arm.

Alex bit his lip as he thought about it and said in a quick energetic manner, "Well, I'm super fast with my super hearing and sense of smell. Oh, and I heal a bit faster then humans, but not like BAM or anything. Hmm... I'm stronger then the average human, but apparently not stronger then that guy..."

After a bit of examination, Carisle had found that Alex's arm fractured, and a possible broken rib that had already started healing. Alice gripped the catboy's good arm and pulled him down the stairs to the living room. The boy's chocolate eyes lit up as he saw Enola lying on the couch. He quickly sped over to the couch while ignoring the pain and then stood before her.

Just as he was about to annoy her, he realized she was sleeping. Her pale, thin frame laid face down into the couch as a tiny bit of drool puddled by her mouth. Her face was peaceful minus the awkward man-snore that occasionally came out of that hole in her face. The only flaw Alex could see was the dark bags under her eyes.

"Don't worry, she'll be up in about a minute," Alice stated reassuringly as she sat in the chair across from it.

Just like Alice said, Enola woke with a start as she practically flew upwards from her sleeping position and shouted, "WHAT ABOUT WOLVES WITH WINGS!?" The girl sat upright and had her head in her hands trying to ignore the enormous headache she now had. She couldn't exactly place why or where she was till she looked up and saw Alex's arm in a sling.

"AHH! YOU'RE OK!" she screamed as she tackled him to the ground with a hug. He grunted lightly, but couldn't help smiling at her reaction. She automatically pulled away from him and stated, "Sorry, didn't realize that, bro."

"It was worth it to hear your man-snore," Alex grinned as he realized the blackmail he could use. Sadly, despite his efforts, her smile grew wider making her appear insane as she chuckled madly.

"Alice, you like to play dress-up right?" she asked as he laughing died down to a giggle.

Alice's eyes lit up at Enola's question. No one ever looked happy when they thought about her obsessive shopping and fashion crap. Now giddy, she nodded her head so rapidly that it made her appear blurry to humans.

"Well, Alex would LOVE to be your barbie," Enola's smile looked like it was about to run off her face as Alice cheered and as quick as lighten took Alex to her mound of clothes.

As Enola stood up and went to sit on the couch, she realized something was off. She saw that her once ripped bloodied jeans and basic black v-neck shirt were replace with a black hoodie dress that her a red ribbon tied around her waist.

"WHO THE HELL DRESSED ME WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!?" Enola shouted as she inspected her outfit a bit more. Alice giggled in the distance.

**PREVIEW OF NEXT CHAPTER**

As I hid in the closet watching them have sex, I realized I could feel someone breathing on my neck. Stiffly, I turned around slowly to meet the face of my personal creeper.

"Hi sweetie!" Pounder seductively stated as he took a step closer to me. I panicked as his muscular arms were about to wrap around my manly figure.

"NOOO!" I screamed as I busted through the closet door, smashing it in the process. "I WON"T HAVE SEX WITH YOU!"

"What the hell, man?"

A/N:

I feel bad for taking a while on this chapter so I put a little preview of the next chapter. Thanks for reading.


	6. my little sheep your wolf has come

Enola played with the long sleeves of the hoodie dress and pulled up he red and black stripped socks a bit more as she stood up.

"Yo humanoid!" Emmett bellowed as he waltzed down the stairs with a goofy grin on his face.

"Hey vampire!"

As soon as the word vampire left her lips, Alex shouted from Alice's room, "YOU GUYS ARE VAMPIRES!?"

The pale girl shrugged her shoulders; this couldn't be too bad of a realization for Alex, right? Emmet sat with Enola and decided to try and have some fun with this guest.

"Hey, wanna play some video games with me?" he asked eagerly. No one from his family would ever join in his need to play puny human games so any glimmer of hope was something he'd be willing to take.

"SURE!" she exclaimed as they bounded up to his room.

**Meanwhile in Alice's room...**

Alex winced slightly as he press his body to the closest wall and hissed. He couldn't believe vampires even existed! Sure, he was a mythical creature too, but that was beside the point. He didn't want him and Enola to be eaten.

Alice couldn't help but sigh as she had hoped this wouldn't happen. Carisle came into the room when he heard the noise and also let out a sigh. Secrets don't seem to stay hidden very long in this household, huh?

"Relax," Carisle murmured calmly, "We won't hurt you."

"Don't lie."

"I'm not lying. Please, come away from the wall," Carisle frowned slightly as the boy didn't even bother to move.

"Why, so you can eat my brains?"

"That's zombies," Alice stated with a sigh. He was wasting time when he could be her life-sized barbie!

"YOU GUYS ARE ZOMBIES?!"

"No, we're vampires," Carisle was starting to get a head ache from this.

"SO YOU ADMIT IT!"

"Yeah, pretty much, but we're vegetarian vampires."

"You suck blood from vegetables?" Alex asked as he pictured the doctor hunched over with an onion in his mouth and his eyes a crimson red.

"No, we only drink the blood of animals."

"Then you're not a veterinarian!"

"I believe the word your looking for is vegetarian."

"Stop playing with words you evil doer!"

"For the last time, I'm not evil. What gives you this impression?"

"The combination of the whole 'I'm a doctor and I'm a vampire' thing."

"BUT I AM THOSE THINGS!" the doctor cried out in desperation.

**Meanwhile at Enola's house...**

Edward ran a hand through his fucked up hair as he looked over to his "Sweet". He had been on patrol at Enola's house just in case Jacob decided to come back again. Sadly to his knowledge, the family had somehow taken a liking to that annoying girl. It was really getting on his nerves, but he had to remind himself that Bella was here. Dull Bella was here for a reason, a dirty reason, but a reason nonetheless.

"Hello my love," He drawled out the words knowing Bella would be mush in his hands no matter what.

"H-hi Sparkles." Edward's eyes twitched slightly.

"What made you think of that nick name?"

"Enola, actually. I-I think it's cute."

"Of course..." Edward sighed. He knew he was also putty in her hands. Whatever she loved, he would have to love to... even if it was some gay nick name. He took her frail, warm hand and lead her seductively to the bedroom.

**Same place but in Jacob's point of view (I know what you're thinking: "Oh my god, what will this author do next!?")...**

It was in this time that I was reflecting Enola's words. I was beginning to think she was right when she said that I should be bothering Bella instead of her. Everything in my world seemed right before Enola came into my line of sight anyway. Why can't I simple go back to the way things are?

In fact, that's what I was doing at this precise moment. I was in Enola's closet watching Bella and Edward flirt casually. You may be asking yourself why Edward hasn't detected me yet. I have a good explanation actually.

While knowing that Edward could smell me a mile away and that Bella would be then forewarned of my presence, I decided it would be best to hide my scent. Being as brilliant as I, I rubbed myself down with pine tree air fresheners. No one will be the wiser. As to how he hasn't read my thoughts? I've kept my mind blank. Either that is actually working or Edward is just to distracted to be aware of my awesome presence. I noticed a sudden change in the scene I was watching. It turned sexual.

Amazing after all the times they've done it, Bella hasn't gotten pregnant. Well, maybe it's because he's dead! The venom in his system would not help produce sperm for if it did then the venom would make his heart beat and other organs function... not just his penis. Hence, her fucking that corpse produces no baby. In that case, fucking him in general would make her a necrophiliac. Wow, that rant of their sex life seemed highly uncharacteristic to me... along with this sentence of realization...

Anyway, as I hid in the closet watching them have sex, I realized I could feel someone breathing on my neck. Stiffly, I turned around slowly to meet the face of my personal creeper.

"Hi sweetie!" Pounder seductively stated as he took a step closer to me. I panicked as his muscular arms were about to wrap around my manly figure.

"NOOO!" I screamed as I busted through the closet door, smashing it in the process. "I WON"T HAVE SEX WITH YOU!"

"What the hell, man?" Edward practically screeched as he got up from the bed and marched over towards me.

"Dude, could you please put on some clothes?" I tried to look away the best I could, but when a naked man charges at you, it's hard not to take in the details.

"Bella, go back to the house." she nodded quickly and looked helplessly at me before leaving, but all I could focus on was wether or not Edward would cover up.

"Uhmmm... why are your nipples misshapen and disfigured?" I asked as an attempt of distraction.

"I got into a shirtless jello wrestling match with a hormonal cross-dresser when I was human."

"Oh... that makes perfect sense..."

**Back to Emmet and Enola...**

"DIE MOTHER FUCKER! NO ONE LIKES YOU ENOUGH! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ON THIS ASSASSIN'S HIT LIST, BITCH, NOT FOR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOUR MONOLOUGING OVER!" Enola shouted at the screen as she pressed the buttons in a futile attempt to win at Assassin's Creed. Emmett grinned. They had played about four fighting games when Enola's eyes landed on this one. Sure, she sucked at it, but it was amusing to hear her ramblings as she died for the nineteenth time.

"Wanna try something else?" Emmett asked as he watched her throw the controller at the wall in frustration.

Enola looked to Emmett for a second and then drifted off into thought. She was tired of losing at video games. Sure, she loved them, but she never won. She tapped a slender, pale finger to her chin as she continued to go through a list of activities when an evil smile spread across her face.

"Emmett, how well can you disguise your voice?" Curiosity was eating away at her as she mentally went over her plan.

"I can do all accents," he grinned proudly.

"It'll work out well," Alice said to them as she walked by the room and continued down the hall, "Jasper! Send a wave of calm to Carlise! He won't get out of the fetal position!"

"Well, that's Alex for you," Enola said with a smile as she turned back to Emmett, "Here's what we do; you give me you're phone and play along with whatever I say."

The burly man complied with the girl easily. It was a nice change that someone would actually want to mess around and such instead of calling him immature and childish. The redhead rapidly dialed the phone and hit the call button.

"Hello?" a "velvet" voice answered and it clicked in automatically Emmett's head of Enola's plan.

"E-Edward, whatever they s-say, don't listen t-to them! I-I'm f-fine!" Enola's voice automatically changed to a more dulled, monotonous tone and started to blink rapidly while she stuttered. She was like a mirror image of Bella.

"Bella?"

"SHUT UP YOU WHORE!" Emmett made his voice deeper and darker; it barely sounded like him.

"What are you doing to my angel!?"

"Oh, she's ain't no angel anymore." The menacing chuckle added to Edward's panic.

"Let her go!"

"When I'm done with her, she might not wanna be let go!"

"E-Edward," she started while making an awkward sighing noise like Bella, "Don't f-fall for his trap! P-please, just don't d-do it!"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Emmett bellowed as Enola then slapped herself across the face to get the response of a growl over the speaker phone. She then quickly wrote something on a piece of paper and shoved it at Emmett.

"If you want to see this bitch again, go to White Swallow. Come alone. None of you're 'friends'," he continued to use this improvised voice as he hung up the phone and burst into laughter. "You sure know how to act."

She shrugged her shoulders, "I took a few courses before I graduated college. Plus, it's easy to be Bella."

"O-ohh, is that s-so?" Bella stammered as she stood in the doorway of Emmett's room.

"Uhhmmm..." The bear-like man had no excuse in mind for whatever it is she saw. He didn't want to get caught again... like he did with every prank he tried to pull.

"If we conduct a prank against someone you dislike, you'll have to pretend you know nothing of our evil doings," Enola stated cooly as she watched Bella at first look deep in thought, but sinister smirk was cast upon her face.

"Deal."

"Who do you got in mind?" Enola asked as she walked over to her sister. Bella looked over to Emmett and it seemed they had the same person in mind.

"Oh, this is going to be fun," the goofy grin seemed to be plastered to his face as he went and grabbed a laptop so he could show a picture to Enola of who her next victim of torture would be.


	7. I'd scream, but I have no mouth

"This is the guy!" Emmett exclaimed as he pointed to a picture of Mike Newton. Enola smiled as she thought about the best way to get at this guy. He look to be the creepy type that wanted to get banged... badly. Oh the possibilities!

"Ok, I got two options. We could take the sex route or the scared shitless route," she explained with as little detail as possible in hopes that they would go with the sexual route.

"I vote for scared shitless," both said at the same time.

"You guys just ruin my fun!" she exclaimed as she pouted and crossed her arms, "Fiiine. Write down all that you know about him and then we can get started."

As the two went off in search of paper and pencil, Enola roamed out of the room and into the hallway. She heard the soft groan come from Alex's lips from behind a door further down the hall. Curiosity seeped within her being as she slunk over quietly towards the door. The door was opened slightly, letting just a sliver of light through.

She pressed her snowy white, heart shaped face up to the opening and let her emerald eyes scan the scene. Her eyes widen as her brain took in the sight. Soon giggles escaped her lips as she held onto the door knob to keep herself standing, but instead she fell into the room clutching her stomach.

Alex grumbled as he saw his best friend roll on the ground laughing as tears poured from her eyes. He looked over to Alice with a childish glare as she attached the pink bow to his head. … Oh, I know what you're thinking... PINK BOW!? Yes, he had a bow on his head. See, when Alice heard Enola say that Alex wanted to be her barbie, she wanted him to be her _female_ barbie. There he stood in the middle of the room with a black mini skirt, a pink halter top that was decorated in black lace trim, and a pair of pink pumps. The pink bow was actually a clip, which was being used to hold back some of his hair. He even had on a stuffed bra.

"Isn't she beautiful!?" Alice exclaimed as she practically danced over to Alex and grabbed his arm. His expression turned into a grimace as a low growl escaped his lips.

"Yes," Enola said with a laugh, "Mind if I borrow him for some prankage. I plan on having a bit of fun. You think it'll work?"

Alice than gained a blank expression as she saw the future. It was interesting because Enola's future came so easy to her, even Alex's. She quickly regained her composure and giggled madly causing both Enola and Alex to tilt their heads to the side in confusion. What could be so funny?

"He's going to piss his pants. Literally." A smile spread across her face as she dragged Alex out of the room and back into Emmett's where him and Bella were waiting excitingly.

"Ok, grab a mask and a camcorder then meet me outside," Enola stated as she held Alex's good arm and pulled him along with her.

"Noly!" Alex whined softly as he continued to follow in her direction, "What are we doing?"

"We, my friend, are committing an act of injustice upon another human being to get the mere satisfaction of seeing a sight of pain and terror casted upon someone else's face besides our own. Are you ready to see a teenager soil himself?" she stated in a dramatic voice while a figurative mask of evil covered her once lovely features.

"Hell yeah!" he shouted as they waited for the others to join them.

Ten minutes had passed and now they were a block away from Mike Newton's house. Enola quickly had Alex take a quick lap around the house before they'd make a move. Everything seemed perfect. Mike was alone in his room hopefully not doing anything too weird and it seemed his family was no where near.

"Ok, since there is a tree by his bedroom window, I want you, Emmett, to climb in that tree and wait for the signal. Meanwhile--"

"What's the signal?"

"Uhhh... Alex, why are you asking this question and not Emmett?"

"Cause I like to be apart of things!"

"Shut up! Anyway, I want you, still Emmett, to carefully place Bella up in the tree at the right angle so she can get a perfect view of what's going on inside room. Thankfully since you had a second camcorder, Alex, you'll videotape what goes on here," Enola explained calmly as Emmett handed her his phone and went off with Bella to get to their positions. As the two got into the tree and Bella began to hit the record button, she caught sight of something unfortunate.

"Is he...?"

"Stroking the shaft? Yes indeed. Poor kittens," Emmett stated remorsefully as he heard Mike's phone start to ring, "Shh, it's starting!"

"Hello?" Mike stated nervously as if he had been caught in his act of... Ewww, I can't even type nor speak the words (A/N: actually, I can speak/type the words, but I want to portray that I have some form of innocence left in my being. Hah hah hah. It's funny 'cause it's a lie).

"DO YOU HAVE THE MILK!?" cried Enola desperately into the phone as she began sobbing and continuing some mumbles of how desperately she needed milk.

"uhhh... no?"

"HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE MILK!? THIS IS A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION HERE! PLEASE, DON'T LIE TO ME!"

"Well, w-we ran out."

"DON'T LIE, PLEASE! I THOUGHT WE WERE GREAT FRIENDS!"

"Excuse me?"

"HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT ME, MIKE!? I'M IN ALL YOUR CLASSES!"

"You are?" Mike questioned as Enola quickly looked at the notes that Bella and Emmett and read the list of the classes he was in. He was starting to get nervous now as he pulled slightly on the collar of his basic baby blue shirt. "Who is this?"

"PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE MILK!"

"Why do you need milk?"

"WELL, I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET WHEN THIS CAR PULLED UP BESIDE ME AND TOLD ME THAT HE KNEW YOU AND WANTED TO TAKE ME TO YOUR HOUSE SO I WAS LIKE: "HELL YEAH, MIKE'S AWESOME!" SOON AFTER HE TOLD ME TO CALL YOU AND ASK FOR MONEY, BUT THEN I REALIZED I WAS THIRSTY SO I ASKED FOR MILK INSTEAD!"

"wait, what are you talk--" Before he could finish his sentence, Alex's voice came booming over the phone.

"GIVE ME THE MONEY!"

"What money!?"

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT MONEY I WANT! THE FUCKING DRUG MONEY!"

"I-I don't have any!" Mike started to stutter as he was now getting more and more sucked into the prank.

"YOU'VE BECOME TOO UNRELIABLE NOW! FUCKING GIVE ME MY MONEY OR I'M GONNA GO IN THERE AND RAPE YOU!"

"NO! DON'T DO IT!" Enola's voice came from the background in a distressful tone.

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING WHORE!" There soon was complete silence over the other line as Alex now realized that Mike probably thought he was talking to him. "KEEP TALKING!"

"...why?" Mike's voice quivered slightly.

"CAUSE I WANT MY MONEY!"

"I don't have any money! I don't even know you!"

"THAT'S IT I'M COMING UP THERE AND FUCKING YOU! YOU BETTER WEAR A CONDOM, I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING PREGNANT OFF MY DEMON SEED!"

"Uhh... I can't get pregnant... I'm a guy."

"Dude... seriously? Have you gone through puberty yet? I assume not? ...wait, I'm getting off topic now aren't I? Sorry. Ahem, THAT'S THE LAST STRAW! I COMING NOW SWEET LIPS!" And with that, Mike's phone conversation was now over. He was a bit shaken up now, but was trying to convince himself that it was all just a hallucination.

Emmett, now understanding that it was his turn for a performance, balanced himself carefully on the slim branch and ran his fingernails down the closed, glass window. Mike jumped away from his window and began to pant in fear. While struggling with an inner urge to runaway, he stepped closer and closer to the window. As he began to look outside, Emmett's masked face peered directly back at him.

Mike then screamed girlishly at the top of his lungs as a pool of piss rapidly began to form around his bare feet. He then fell to the ground and passed out while twitching rapidly in his warm puddle of urine. It was at that time that Alex appeared in the room with Enola in his arms in a spilt second thanks to his super skillzills or however that could have been written.

"Ahh, you gotta love the sight of a teenager passed out from shock and fear."

"Enola, are you sure you're not sadistic?"

"Why no Emmett, dear, but let's finish this prank up first," Noly smiled wickedly as she chuckled madly.

Ten minutes later, all four were outside Mike's house and walking to Emmett's car. It was at that point that Bella found it important to ask a certain question...

"S-so, what actually d-did you do that I'm not s-suppose to tell or mention?"

"You mean you weren't there for any of that phone call? That we hurt a poor soul for NOTHING!?"

"...y-yes..."

"Oh thank god. For a second I thought I did something nice for you."

"You're not going t-to tell me what h-happened?"

Instead of answering Bella, she began laughing manically as she soon thought of Edward's predicament.

**Meanwhile in San Francisco's White Swallow...**

"So... wanna dance?" asked a hot, shirtless male.

"No..." Edward stated as he continued grinding his teeth. He had been waiting to rescue his Bella for what seemed like ages now, but saw no sign of his "beloved".

"Edward, can I go home now?"

"Shut up, Jacob! It's your fault she's captured!"

Both gentleman continued to sulk in silence (Jacob listened to Edward!? Le gasp!) as the time passed by slowly. The room was filled with many attractive, young males dancing with one another while a few were making out. The music pumped loudly through the room and generated motion throughout the dance floor. With more time passing, the more Edward began to think something was wrong. Just before Edward was about to lose it when the hundredth male came up to him to flirt with him, Chuck and Dan (A/N: read "Edward's First Human Kill After He Meets Bella" to understand this.) had appeared from behind him.

"Duuudde, I told you Tinkerbell was gay!" Chuck exclaimed over the pulsating music. Edward cringed while Jacob looked to him in confusion.

"I knew it! Well, at least he's with that tan guy with the huge nose. This way he can get some action!" Dan replied as he laughed.

"I'm not gay!" he bellowed at the two, "I'm in love with my singer!"

"You're in love with a male singer? Niiice, why are you at this gay bar anyway? Trying to have a dancey dance party?" Chuck asked.

"Didn't I kill you two!?" Edward shouted to the two in frustration. Meanwhile Jacob couldn't get his mind off of Enola. The minute Dan mentioned Jake's big nose, his mind couldn't help, but wonder to that girl along with the pain of not being with his imprint.

"Uhh... Edward, did you ever think that maybe Bella _isn't_ here...?"

"No... wait... ugh, that bitch!"

**Meanwhile at Mike's House...**

Mike awoke to an odd warm, tingly feeling all around him. He realized he was slightly sore all over and now very wet. As he recalled the events that happened before he passed out, he simply cried out in terror and searched his room for the culprit. In his search, he found a note upon his desk. It was a letter written in crude handwriting and appeared slightly crumpled as if it was written in a mad rush. He shakily grabbed the letter and began to read.

_Dear Sweet Lips,_

_ Sorry I had to fuck and leave, but I had to go and commit mass murder. Uhhmmm, yeah, I just want to say what we had was... was special. If ya ever in the neighborhood, maybe we can hook up and commit some boom boom. I mean, come on, I already took your virginity so why not? Oh, I left you a picture of myself so... you won't forget me. ;)_

_ With Sexy Love,_

_ The Man Who Stole Your Innocence_

Attached to the letter contained a picture of Alex in all his feminine outfitted glory in a bent over position, blowing a kiss. Mike shivered in disgust as he realized all the mental trauma that he just endured... but could not fight the overwhelming urge to meet with his rapist one day...


	8. Bright and shine It's my shine!

As Emmett and Enola were editing their new footage, the front door suddenly came to life as it flew across the room only to reveal a vexed Edward in it's wake. He stormed over to the pale girl, who's face was completely apathetic to the situation at hand. A snarl rippled out of his slightly glittering chest making it hard for Enola not to chuckle at his sparkling rage.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WAS THERE!? NINETY CREEPY MALES ASKED ME FOR ORAL SEX! ORAL SEX!" Edward shouted as he gripped the collar of Enola's shirt and lifted her off the ground. Her nose crinkled slightly when he pulled her frail body near his face. His breath caressed her ghastly white face.

"Uh, I hate to break it to you, but have you and Mr. Toothbrush ever met? I think he'd be good for you," she stated casually as she looked him dead in the eye. Edward's nostrils flared, his teeth grinded, and his fists tightened as he could feel his hatred for the girl growing and his urge to kill her grow immensely.

"Ohh, look at Tinkerbell's rage," Chuck hollered from the front lawn of the Cullen's property as he made a sound that would remind one of a growling feminine cat.

"Be careful, he'll scratch your eyes out!" Dan mocked in a girlish voice as both exploded with boisterous laughter.

Edward's head snapped in the direction of those obnoxious voices and tightened his fists. The fabric of Enola's black dress turned to dust where Edward had gripped and she fell to the ground with a slight thump as the irate vampire disappeared leaving dust particles that danced among the slight breeze he created.

As Enola dusted off her dress, a certain movable heater snuck up behind her casually. Normally she'd be aware of someone sneaking up on her, but she was too preoccupied by how easily she could make some money now that her dress was revealing cleavage thanks to Edward.

Jacob knew that if he could "woo" Enola, he'd have his imprint forever. He looked at Enola and thought back to what she had said. Yes, it'd make life easier to just stalk Bella, but Enola was his imprint. He couldn't deny his destiny forever. All he needed was a nice icebreaker to make his move while he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"So did you know that Enola spelled backwards is the word 'alone'?" Oh yeah, Jacob was a playa.

"Is this your form of a pick up line?" Enola asked as she ducked Jacob's warm grasp and slowly inched her way closer to Alice and a growling Alex.

"Depends if it's working," he teased as he wiggled his eyebrow at her. His eyes started to drift away from her face and were now focused on her recently exposed breasts. He grinned. They weren't too small or too big… they were "just right" which was just how he liked his women and his porridge.

"Sooo… Alice, do you happen to see me threatening someone with pepper spray soon 'cause I'm not entirely sire where I put it… no? …Crap," she sighed as she noticed Jacob staring at her chest. She crossed her arms and hoped Jacob had prepared for her wrath, "You got a problem with the girls?"

"Wha? Huh?"

"You know, the twins, the hooters, the pillows. For God sakes, THE VOLVOS!" she exclaimed as she gestured to her chest, "Gotta pay to look, my friend."

It was at this moment that Jacob instinctively looked into his wallet. It was a trap. Enola just had to make sure her pawns were listening. Alice was the first to react as she launched herself forward and got into an offensive stance with Alex not to far behind her. Jasper was in the background coaxing the idiotic werewolf out of the house to avoid any conflict.

"J, you ruin all my fun," Enola pouted as the werewolf stalked away from the Cullens' property.

Thirty minutes passed and Enola smiled as she lounged on the white sofa in the Cullen's living room with Alex in cat form on her lap. The two weren't allowed home because of her creepy-stalker-wolf guy. She didn't care. She had free food, free HOME MADE food, a dream come true.

Alice watched from around the corner of the kitchen. As Enola fell asleep, Alex shifted out of his cat form and cuddled against her snoring, sleeping form. The fairy-like vampire couldn't help but croon at the sight of the two. They were just too cute.

"Please calm down for a second. What are you planning?" Jasper whispered quietly as he peaked around the corner just in time to see a sleeping Alex drooling on Enola's cheek, "… I know that look… Are seriously thinking about putting them together? You don't even know they're relationship."

"Oh, hush. I won't do anything… drastic, that is. Jeez, just trust me a bit here, okay?" With that she fluttered out of the house and went off to only the author knows where.

**The next morning… (God, it's been so long since I've typed in bold print…)**

Alex woke feeling like he had taken a dip in a pool. He opened his eyes slowly only to find himself on the floor with a piece of paper taped to his head and his body cover in wet sponges. He sat up causing the sponges on his chest to make disgusting plop sounds on the ground. The note read the following:

"_If I wake up in your drool again, the sponges won't be soaked with water next time."_

As Alex shivered, Alice pranced into the room with an armful of shopping bags. She stopped dead in her tracks while she locked eyes with Alex and his sponge covered body. While raising an eyebrow, she quickly checked the house for Enola, but she was nowhere to be found. Alex was ready to get up only to be knocked back by Alice who appeared within 6 inches of his face.

"What did you do?"

"Why are you blaming me?"

"Because you've got that whole 'I'm part cat' air about you," she smirked as she mocked him. Alex's chocolate brown eyes narrowed as pushed past her to get up.

"Well!" Alex crossed his arms over his chest as he walked towards the windowed wall of the living room, "Nolly could be anywhere, but I have an assumption of where she could be."

"Why?"

"Because she told me last night she had to go to work at her other job," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

Alice gave him a frustrated look. How could she put her plan into motion if Enola wasn't here to be the victim!? There was also a growing curiosity of where what this other job of Enola's could be.

After an hour of arguing on whether or not Alex should take Alice and Jasper to Enola's work, they were driving on their way to a small shopping center. While on the road, she tried picturing Enola doing any other job beside photographer. It was hard. Everything else seemed just… odd. All she could think of was hooker, sadly enough, and even that seemed awkward.

"Well, we're here," Jasper called softly to the group as they arrived in the parking lot in Seattle.

Alex took the lead as he tugged his hat a little tighter since he was in his cat-like stealth mode. He led them to the back, past all the dumpsters and maintenance workers. The smell was enough to make them all retreat to the front but once a mission was started it had to be finished. They eventually came to a windowed door that Alex crotched next to and pressed his body against the dirty wall in order to peak in. The other two followed.

Inside, Alice could see Enola at a desk with a computer facing away from the door. It looked as though Enola was watching movies off her phone. Alice rolled her eyes at the sight. She guessed that if it wasn't a passion, it was hard to take the job seriously, but still! Alex shifted slightly as he went to open the door quietly to sneak in.

"Hey Alex, Alice, and Jasper," Enola stated in a bored tone while not even looking in their direction. They stopped hiding and slowly filed in.

"How did you "

"Alice, who else would be nosey enough to figure out where I went and where I work? Alex, I knew you'd end up being a pawn," she grinned as she finally looked up at them.

"Why!?" he exasperatedly exclaimed, but just as quickly he put his hand over his mouth with a look of realization, "Is the Mad Hatter here?"

"Nah, he always leaves early, but the White Rabbit is here. It's not like that matters though. She's just going to run around panicking like normal," and as if on cue, a woman in her late forties came whizzing past the four of them muttering something about posters or products. It really didn't make sense. "In case you didn't know, this is a market research company. We interview people on shiz."

"How poetically put," Alex stated in a mocking tone as he playfully stuck his tongue out. Enola returned the gesture with a middle finger and an overzealous facial expression.

"So why work so far away?" Alice asked now curious of what exactly Enola was doing here.

"It's an interesting story actually," Enola began as a mischievous grin appeared on her face.

"What have you started…" Jasper paled as he whispered that to Alice.

"I HEARD THAT!" Enola exclaimed as she shifted her position in the chair, "It all began on a dark and stormy night. I, without my raincoat, was stuck marching my way blindly into the storm without a clue of where I was going. The storm raged like a dragon pillaging a small, medieval town. It roared and RAGED and "

"Enola, what're these people doing here?" the woman referred to as White Rabbit asked as she nervously stared at them.

"Oh they're here to do a survey!"

**45 agonizing minutes later and a profit of $7 each**

"Man, did today get off track…" Alice said with a huff as she, Jasper, and Alex walked the streets of Seattle to do some window-shopping.

"Yeah, one moment you were about to unmercifully hook " and that's when Jasper took an elbow to the gut.

Just then a blood curtling scream echoed from the distance. Alex's cat ears bent back as he tried to pin point the location. He bent down towards the ground in a cat like manner he smelled a vampire.


End file.
